I thought I’d feel like a grown up once I became one.
I figured one day, after the carefree days of college had faded away, I would start waking up and wanting to drink my coffee black. I assumed that one day I would suddenly start feeling like the world would stop spinning if household chores weren’t done immediately. I thought I would magically wake up with the answers to life’s big questions. And I figured that little by little, I’d become practical and boring. Oh, and I would definitely know what I was going to be when I grew up. And I’d stick to it.
But suddenly I was married, and the age my mom was when she had me, and staring at the end of 20 years of being a student. I was a grown up, but I wasn’t ready!
I tried pretending I was a grown up. I really did. But I’m just not very good at it. And I really didn’t like it.
I like things that sparkle, and I love to be silly. I think being boring is a waste of happiness. I love playing my music too loud and dancing around my apartment. I still play dress up… my dress up clothes are just more expensive now. I refuse to stop believing in magic or the power of a big imagination.
I love coffee, but I don’t drink it black. Sometimes the dishes don’t get done right away, or the laundry piles grow a little too big, and the world keeps spinning. I still call my mom when I have a really big decision to make. It pains me to make the practical choice when a more fabulous choice is staring me in the face. I would never wear a suit again if I could help it.
Then again, maybe, just maybe, being a grown up really means accepting who you are, and who you’re not. Realizing that you don’t necessarily like what other people like, or find fun what other people find fun. Figuring out what you want your life to look like, and what is going to eventually make you crazy.
Maybe little girls in princess dresses sometimes grow up to be grown up princesses. They still spin around when they wear skirts and they still look for adventures everywhere. They remain inexplicably drawn to things that sparkle and shimmer. Their imaginations still run wild. And they always believe in magic.