Monthly Archives: May 2012

Writers Write, But (Insert Excuse Here)

Posted in Life Ramblings, Writing by

I am a writer.  At least, that’s one of the titles firmly affixed to that idea I have in my head about who I really am.  It’s right up near the top, under the easy ones like “wife” and “sister” which I never have to question.

Writers write.

That used to make me feel better.  Back when I had taken a year off from school and any spare time was dedicated towards finishing my second novel.  It didn’t matter that I didn’t have a degree that called me a writer.  It didn’t matter that I didn’t have publishers banging down my doors to get the writing out to the world.  I wrote.  I was a writer.

Writers write, but studying for the bar exam has to come first.

Writers write, but I have to do laundry first or my husband won’t have anything to wear.

Writers write, but tomorrow will have more free time than today, so I should wait.

Writers write, but no one can write when it’s 62 degrees.  It’s an odd temperature.

There is always an excuse.  But excuses should be for the things I don’t want to do, that never get done.  My excuses should get me out of doing laundry, and out of studying for the bar (wishful thinking), they shouldn’t be getting me out of the things that I love to do!  The things that are fundamental to who I am!

But somewhere along the line writing took a backseat to school and housekeeping and, yes, sadly even Facebook.  I make time for all of those.  Those get done.  My writing… well, lately it’s been getting neglected.

I would like to argue to myself that I just don’t have the time.  But if that were true, and my priorities were straight, than the writing would come in before Facebook.  I don’t wear “Facebook stalker” as a defining part of what makes me who I am.  So then I try to argue that I don’t have long enough chunks of time.  That lets me off the hook with the Facebook thing.  But it probably doesn’t let me off the hook for watching TV or shopping or even reading, when my writing  has been abandoned.

I’ve went back and forth about not blogging, and making fiction my main priority.  But that might just take away the only place that I actually do write on a regular basis.  I’m not sure the blog is really what is standing in the way.  I think I’m what is in the way.  My time management.  My lack of priorities.  My fear.  My ideas about what being grown up and responsible is supposed to look like.

If “novel writer” was a job that you could apply to on a website, and it came with it’s own distinct workday and the promise of a constant paycheck and benefits, the world would be a more fabulous place.  But it doesn’t.  At least not when you’re starting out. So I have to make the time, create the habit, and just get back to it.  I need to get inspired and get to work.

Writers writer. Period. No excuses.

Read The Books I Already Own? Mind Boggling!

Posted in Life Ramblings by

I have a book buying problem.  I could wander in a book store for hours.  I usually come out with a small stack.

Don’t tell me about Nooks and Kindles and all of that – I can’t do it.  I’ve tried.  I want my books in paper, and I want to buy them in person.  Someday, my books will fill the shelves of my “Beauty and the Beast” library… The one I’ve wanted since I was a little girl.  My husband had fair warning one of these was required in our future dream home.  It will hold all of the books I’ve fallen in love with, or tortured my way through to be well rounded, or used as an easy escape from reality.

So it made sense to start the weekend with a trip to my favorite book store, cup of coffee in hand, to search for a companion for my long weekend.  But strangely, nothing was doing it.  Nothing was jumping off the shelf.

Suddenly, a crazy idea hit me.  What if I read one of the many books I already had at home?

Now I realize, this sounds ridiculous.  Why was I even at the bookstore if I had books to read at home?

Because I have a book buying problem.  I buy three, read two, get distracted by a new one, and that one lone book unread gets lost in the oblivion of my bookshelves, waiting for the day it seems interesting again.  And then there are the classics – many of which were bought in sets or in moments of determination, and they aren’t a quick easy read, so after I finish one I again get distracted.  Or, take the Steve Jobs biography I asked for at Christmas, and which went on the shelf because at the time I needed an airplane book and that was simply too big and heavy.  It hasn’t come down yet.

So, I’ve created a new challenge for myself.  Read all of the books I own, but haven’t read.  Originally I said the end of summer, but realistically when my bar studying picks up, I know my time will be limited.  And I have A LOT of unread books.  So instead, maybe by the time the first snowflakes fall.  That seems like a more realistic mission.

I thought about saying I wouldn’t buy a new one until I was done… but that too, seems impossible.  I know one of my favorite authors has a new release coming shortly.  I know that there will be fad books I just have to read to see what the buzz is about.  But if I limit myself to only being allowed to buy a new books for every old one I’ve read, I just might get through them all.

What is this actually going to do for me?  Well, probably cut back on my spending significantly over this summer where we’re studying and not getting paid for anything.  But that’s not what’s really important to me.

I think the reason the idea has stuck with me is because one of my resolutions for post law school is to do the things I’ve always wanted to do.  At some point, I’ve wanted to read all of these… but I haven’t.  I’m also trying to look for new sources of inspiration, and admittedly, I am a creature of comfort.  When I feel lackluster, I reach for an old favorite to get lost in, rather than new words to inspire me. That’s probably how I’ve read Emma and Pride and Prejudice more times than I can count, but until last night I hadn’t opened Mansfield Park.  I call Jane Austen my favorite, and I haven’t even read all of her books? What kind of half hearted literary snob am I?

I don’t know exactly how many I have in front of me… I thought about going through the shelves and collecting them all but that seemed like a mess waiting to be abandoned and climbed over all week.  But from here I can count more than ten, and that’s only with two shelves in view.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

A Week Of Celebration, Then A Nap

Posted in Cute Foods, Dessert, Life Ramblings, Recipes by

From Sunday to Sunday we celebrated.

It started with my husband’s birthday.  He claimed he didn’t want to celebrate – apparently another year over 29 was just not something he wanted to acknowledge.  So I said I would just make a cake and we’d have a nice dinner…  We ended up with an apartment full of friends that night.  But it was a perfect way to kick off the week.  We ate cake, had a few drinks, and kicked off our week of celebrating with laughter and memories of the last three years.

I cheated with a box devils food cake in two 9 inch rounds, iced with the Hershey chocolate frosting recipe off their website.  It is the MOST chocolatey-chocolate frosting I have ever tasted… 3/4 cup of cocoa powder chocolatey.  I thought it was a bit much but my husband loved it.  After completely frosting the cake, I took a shot at creative decorating based on some Pinterest inspiration.  Before the frosting dried, I surrounded it with Kit Kats in two-piece chunks and covered it with M&Ms, tied with a fun ribbon to keep it all together.  It was a huge hit. (And it’s the perfect way to hide a cake tier that breaks coming out of the pan… Not that I’d ever let that happen of course.)

Then on Monday, fresh off not studying all weekend, we took our last final and celebrated with a nice dinner out.  I was ready to be done.  I didn’t care about the grade anymore.  I handed it in, took a sticker that said “I finished law school FOREVER” and bounced out of the school.  I was still bouncing when we went to dinner.  As in, I freaked the waitress out because I was literally bouncing in the booth.  There was also singing and twirling… and martinis.  Every once in a while, in the middle of a conversation I would stop and ask, “we’re really done?”  My husband would affirm “we’re really done.”  It didn’t sink in.

Tuesday’s celebration was all about me.  Finally done, I took the first step in getting back to my pre-law school self and literally “lightened up.”  I knew I couldn’t go back to the light platinum blonde I was from dark brown all at once, but I was pleasantly surprised how light she could take me in one sitting.  It’s definitely blonde.  And immediately, I felt like the world was a lighter, happier place.

Wednesday we celebrated with a reception and a banquet at school.  On Thursday we celebrated with the entire class on a boat cruise with an open bar.

Then on Friday night, the main event.  Hung over and/or exhausted from finals and two nights drinking on the school’s dime, it seemed from the Facebook posts that we all did the same thing for most of the day – cleaned in anticipation of our family’s arrival.  And then we put on our big heavy gowns, lined in velvet, and marched out into the square in 95 degree heat to make it official.  AND I DIDN’T TRIP WALKING ACROSS THE STAGE.  You’d think I’d be over that fear, three graduation ceremonies into my education.  But no.  That was, in fact, still my biggest concern.

We followed the ceremony with a late meal at one of my favorite restaurants with both of our families and close family friends (which is always a source of anxiety for me, because the inlaws have almost nothing in common).  But for once, everything went smoothly and everyone was in good moods.  It finally started sinking in… we were done.

Saturday was our final culmination of the weeklong celebration.  We spent the day with family friends who are more family than friends… the girls shopped, the boys golfed.  And then we all came back to their house, and got to celebrate the engagement of their oldest son and his girlfriend of six years who we’ve all come to love.  We grilled out, we drank way too much wine, and we finally got to relax.  No more mingling in uncomfortable shoes, making painful small talk.  Just laughter pouring through the house.

Yesterday, we met my parents for lunch, returned my sister to them, and then we came home and napped. Without an alarm set. Without guilt.  It was, perhaps, a celebration in itself.

We finally have our lives back.